Script by George Konnoff
and the congregation of
The Temple Beth Israel
Temple Drive
Port Washington, NY 11050
For advice about staging, contact: Stuart and Nancy Bramen, Temple Beth Israel
Judy and Paul Greeting
[Trumpet Fanfare]
Nursery School parade
[music - Shoshanof Ya'akov / Ani Purim / Chag Purim]
Rabbi's greeting
Dance - Megillah Delivery
[music - Freylach 1]
First Yiddish Narrator:
Oh - the Jews, the JEWS - they always have so much to LOSE
They wear their differences with APLOMB - so they stick out like a sore THUMB
Purim could have been a tale of WOE - worthy of Edgar Allen POE
But intelligence saved the DAY - so Jews could worship in their own WAY
Bell
Narrator (N): Ladies and Gentlemen....Gentlemen and Ladies
Cranky (CR): [THE STORY OF ESTHER]
Crankie
Music for ambience as Persia scrolls by (guitar, keyboard or percussion)
N:
A long long long time ago
Over 2,000 years ago
In the land of Persia
In the capitol city of Shushan
There ruled a powerful, though not always wise,
King Ahashverus
CR: [Ahashverus]
ENTER LARGE KING
Large King
[music - Ahashverus chant]
Cantor (C): "blessing and vay'hee (C1)
[Gimmel/Bet class sings; kids lead chorus and audience sings after]
King:
Yes folks, it's me
The one and only
Your gloriously handsome
Majestically brilliant
Excellently excellent King
Let's party!!... pass da beer.... pour da wine
Whiskey, whisky, makes me feel so frisky
N: After seven days and nights the king called for his queen Vashti to appear before him.
ENTER LARGE VASHTI
Vashti
[music - Adir Hu]
C: "Vashti (C2)
King:
Hey Baby... how's about a little dance?
Vashti: No
King: Yes
Vashti: No
King: yes
King: OK Baby..... Get lost! Be gone! You ain't my
queen no more
Leave your crown and jewels at the door
Vashti: [parting insult and exit]
EXIT LARGE VASHTI
N: Now Ahashuerus is without a queen
King: I need a queen
EXIT BIG KING
[Bell]
CR: [SEARCH FOR THE NEW QUEEN]
[music for ambience as beautiful maidens
scroll by
(guitar, keyboard or percussion)]
N: And so the word went out to every province in the kingdom that the most beautiful of all the young maidens were to be brought to the capital to vie for the king's affection.
King: It was a very difficult choice. I think I'd better go to my room and think it over.
[Bell]
CR: MORDECHAI
ENTER BIG MORDECHAI
[music: Ish Yehudi]
C: "Ish yehudi" (C3)
[Bell]
N: Now, there was a Jewish man in Shushan
Whose name was Mordechai
He had a beautiful niece named Esther
CR: [ESTHER]
When the king's decree for a new queen was published
The fate of Esther became clear to Mordechai -
Esther was meant to be queen
But Mordechai warned Esther to hide her true name
For in Shushan the Jews were not treated the same
Much ignorance lay behind the king's gate.
Now Esther prepared to meet her fate.
EXIT BIG MORDECHAI
[music: Ish Yehudi]
[music while bubble bath scrolls in crankie
I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles]
For six long months and six months more
She was anointed with oils and perfumes galore
And when her turn before the king came,
Her beauty did captivate,
His heart she did tame.
Cantor: "Tilkoch.... (C4)
[Bell]
CR: [ESTHER IS CHOSEN QUEEN]
ENTER BIG ESTHER
ENTER BIG KING
Esther dances with king
[music: Goodnight Waltz]
King: Let's go on our Honeymoon, Baby
ESTHER AND KING EXIT
Cantor: "Bayamim..... (C5)
[Bell]
CR: [PLOT AGAINST THE KING]
N: One day as Mordechai was at the royal palace gates he overheard two soldiers plotting against the king.
Plotter 1: Let's put poison in his beer!
Plotter 2: How about dynamite in his cigar?
N: Mordechai told Esther and Esther informed the king
and the matter was investigated and corroborated.
The conspirators were incarcerated and eliminated -
And it was all recordulated in the Royal Book of Chronicles
2nd Yiddish Narrator:
Plots, Plots, Plots - that's what the CIA, FBI & Military say we have to FEAR
And Lo & Behold, they increase their budgets every YEAR
Our main fight is against injustice wherever it leaves its ugly SPOTS
But after all this yacking - i just want to PLOTZ
CR: [HAMAN - THE PRIME MINISTER]
ENTER LARGE HAMAN
[music: Haman was a wicked wicked man]
Narrator:
Haman - The Cunning
Haman - the Sly
Haman - was cruel
Haman - was mean
Haman - was a most sinister guy
EXIT LARGE HAMAN
[music: Haman was a wicked wicked man]
Cantor: (C6)
N: The King called for Haman
King Ahashuerus: You are my most trusted advisor - you are my Chief of Staff. You have done great things for me and my people. I want to honor you. What do you think I should do?
Haman: Great King - I need a promotion - I am Overworked and Underpaid. I commute to Shushan every day from that great harbor on the Euphrates which is called Port Washington. I have to take the rush hour train - it takes too long and I have to stand up. It is too much. I need a raise so that I can have and apartment in the City. I want to spend more time with my darling children (gets teary) Atilla the Hun, Cruella, Sweet little Saddam, and my darling Hannibal.
King: I am so touched - I can feel your pain (gets teary). I promote you to CHIEF JUSTICE of the SUPREME COURT. As a sign of your new position I am giving you this special HAT - the TASHEN. (Haman bows)
Haman: This is great, I can now afford the most expensive and biggest Sport Utility Chariot in Persia. I can get and apartment on Fifth Avenue in mid-town Shushan. And I now have REAL POWER. Everyone must bow to me - I am the MAN. And to show everyone how important I am - I will order a special Ticker Tape Parade in honor of ME.
King: Let's go have a beer.
[Bell]
CR: [MORDECHAI REFUSES TO BOW]
N: All the king's subjects bowed down before Haman
(bow bow bow bow bow), since the Prime Minister had the
image of an idol fastened to his clothes [Mickey Mouse]
so that whoever bowed down to him worshipped and idol at
the same time.
Mordechai refused
Morchedai: I'll bow down before no man, only to God.
I am the CHIEF JUSTICE. I wear the TASHEN - the Symbol of the King who is a God to you. I don't care about your God OR your people - you MUST respect Me - I order you to bow to me and my TASHEN.
Moredechai: I only bow to the one GOD. You think you're a Haman TASHEN (slaps his head) but you're really a Haman TUSHEN (slaps his behind).
Haman: I'll get rid of this man and his brothers and
sisters and cousins and uncles and aunties, etc., etc.
Where's my consultant?
ENTER CONSULTANT
Consultant:Sire, we conducted a Poll - here's the results:
48 % of the people prefer Mordechai
47 % of the people prefer Haman
5 % of the people prefer NADER - CHAD - NEZER
We still have to count the vote in the Retirement Community of Floridium - which I believe will go to Mordechai.
Haman: Stop the VOTE
Consultant: But Mordechai will protest stopping the vote.
Haman: That will be fine - I am taking this to the Supreme Court - after all, I am Chief Justice.
[Bell]
CR: [HAMAN PLANS DESTRUCTION OF THE JEWS]
Haman: Oh your most, most on toast regal highness, etc. There are evil enemies in your kingdom. Oh your highest highness, let me rid you of these treasonous traitors. In fact, let me contribute 750 tons of silver to your library building fund for the honor of exterminating these pests for you.
King: OK... issue my decree and pass the beer.
DECREE SIGNING
C: C7
[Bell]
CR: [MORDECHAI ASKS ESTHER TO INTERCEDE]
N: The horrible news reached Mordechai's ears.
He ripped his clothes and his eyes filled with tears
He went to Esther and said:
Mordechai: If you keep silent at a time like this - you may manage to save your body, but how will you save your soul?
N: Esther could not believe what she had read.
All of her people were marked to be dead.
For days Esther wrestled with what she should do.
Should she risk her own life? Could she say she was a Jew?
C: C8
3rd Yiddish Narrator:
- Oy Veh..... Veyz Mir...... Oy Gotenu......
For Mordechai and the Jews, things look very DIRE
They have been done in by Haman - a Goniff and a big LIAR
But things may not be what they SEEM
Mordecai and the Jews may be saved by an Interrupted DREAM
[Bell]
CR: [NIGHT]
N: On that fateful night the king could not sleep
He commanded that the Great Book of Chronicles be read
ENTER HAND PUPPET AND BOOK
[music: Goodnight Waltz]
Hand Puppet: So then there was the time Mordechai saved your royal ass-ets.... and was never recorded.
C: C9
[Bell]
CR: [MORDECHAI IS REWARDED, HAMAN HUMILIATED]
N: The King called for Haman
K: What should be done for a man whom the king especially wants to honor?
N: Haman, thinking the king was referring to him, said:
H: Parade him on horseback for all to see, dressed in fine robes and led by someone who is shouting "Here comes a great man!"
K: Right you are! Go - get Mordechai mounted - and you shall lead him - At Once! At Once!
H: Coises - foiled again!
ENTER LARGE HAMAN AND MORDECHAI ON HORSE
FROM REAR OF HOUSE
[music: Freylach 1]
C: C10
[Bell]
N: Meanwhile Esther followed her heart, and it showed her the way. She prayed and she fasted three nights and three days and when she was ready she took a deep breath, ready to face the unknown, even death. Yes, Esther risked her own life because it was unlawful to come before the king unbidden.
CR: [ESTHER LAYS TRAP FOR HAMAN]
N: When the King saw Esther he was pleased and said
King: What's up Queen Esther? Be it half my kingdom, it's yours.
Esther: Oh my royal honeycakes, it's nothing really. I just thought you would like to come over for a little dinner. Bring a friend, why don't you? That new prime minister Haman, maybe?
King: OK Baby, I'll go powder my royal nose and ice down some vino.
Esther: Till tonight then, snookums..kiss..kiss..kiss
C: C11
[Bell]
CR: [THE BANQUET]
N: The main course wsa finished (BURP) dessert was in sight. Esther knew she must speak now - the time was at hand. The King asked:
King: What is your request? It shall be granted you. What is your petition?
Esther: Well since you're asking, darling, I thought maybe you could grant me my life and the lives of my people as my petition - for you see, we've been sold into slavery - I and my people, to be destroyed, slain and annihilated.
King: Who has issued this order? I'll make chopped herring out of him!
Esther: It was Hamen.
C: C12
[Bell]
CR: [HAMAN IS GUILTY - THE JEWS ARE SAVED!]
H: Mercy Mercy Mercy!
K: Begone you cur! Off with your head!
H: Is that your final answer?
K: Override the decree
Haman, you're history
Let the Jews be
Mordechai is my new Prime Minister
Free beer and pickles for everybody
C: C13
[music: Chi Mordechai]
[Bell]
CR: [PURIM IS CELEBRATED]
N: On the 14th of Adar
In the winter each year
Jews celebrate Purim
To remember that fear can surely be conquered by faith
truth and love and the great and good power of wisdom above.
[music: Utzu, Etza]
Banners
Villagers of Shushan
ESTHER and MORDECHAI,
Misc. clowns, etc
[music: Khevre Nit Gezoret]
Puppets and banners bow and say "Shalom"
4th Yiddish Narrator:
Ah - the story of Purim - its thesis, antithesis & synthesis is worthy of HEGEL
Yet, after all this kvetching - its starting to get STALE
But remember this - a kiss is just a kiss; a sigh is but a SIGH
We heard the ganztze Magillah - so now its time to say GOODBY
We thank you all for coming to this Purim Spiel and sitting wall to WALL
And you're invited to our Passover dance - it's called Der MATZAH BALL
[Shoshanot Ya'akov, Chag Purim, Ani Purim]